the two movies i watched back to back yesterday. i hadn't seen eat, pray, love, and haven't even read the book or even come close to really knowing what it was about, but i knew i wanted to see it.
when i saw it on the on demand channels the other day, i was quick to push play, but then decided i would watch it alone. i am always an emotional rollercoaster and i just knew that this would be one of those movies that would take me on one of those rides and for some reason, i wanted to ride alone.
i had quickly forgotten about the movie, but since elijah was still not feeling 100% i decided to do a little cuddling on the couch with him and watch something. like i said, i had forgotten about it, even as i cruised through the on demand channels. then there it was. i quickly pressed play and sat back to enjoy.
it did exactly what i thought it would. made me think. made me want to surrender myself and completely live in the moment, enjoying every little detail of each day.
but then as i ended one movie and changed the channel to put on something for background noise as i got up to do something more than just sit on my couch all day, i came across crash. i have seen this movie before, but it is one of those movies that once again is a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions and so i stayed...just a while longer.
and then after too many hours of sitting and watching, i found myself thinking about both movies.
both of them about coming to a realization about yourself and making changes.
then i realized one thing. one thing was causing so much stress and frustration in me. this blog. i have said it before and i will say it again...blogging is a lot of work. it really is. i love doing it, but i don't want it to be the only thing i do. some days i find myself saying "wow that would make a good blog post, or that would be a great moment to share on my blog." i want to actually live my life and enjoy my children without worrying if my blog will suffer for spending more time with my children or if people will stop coming by if i don't post every day.
and then i remembered why i started this blog in the first place. it was for me. so i could look back at all of those wonderful moments that i spent with my children and my family and remember. it's not about whether i took the best photo, or if my edit is perfect. who cares?
maybe you haven't noticed, but i haven't really participated in too much outside of just writing for my blog lately. it actually feels good to just write. straight from my mind. so, when i saw these two movies today, it confirmed everything i was feeling inside...that i need to find my true self and balance.
not quite a depressing feeling, more like a yearning. to take pictures because my children are so beautiful, and the sky is so blue, and the grass is green and i love it all so much. every moment. not because i have to get the photo for a challenge.
two stories that come to mind when i am in a funk are the daffodil principle and welcome to holland.
and i always find myself going to them for support. check them out! you will love them both if you don't already know them.
so what does all of this mean?
well, i won't be taking off on a journey to find myself, but it is simple...i don't know! because knowing means i have a plan and i don't want a plan. i just want to enjoy what is around each corner each and every minute of my day.
if you are wondering, yes i will continue to blog. but only because i want to...not because i have to.
and if you haven't seen these two movies, go see them NOW!! (just be warned that crash has a lot of "language" not suitable for little ears, but please don't let this deter you from watching this movie. please don't!)
my photos in this post are totally random.
