first of all, i would like you to know that i hear every word you say under your breath, including the word jackass that you said the other day. i know it is my fault that you know that word, but sometimes i forget that you may be partially related to sponge bob and that you soak up every little thing i say.
i also want you to know that i see you smack your little brother for no reason. why that is, i have no idea, because i also see you hugging him and cuddling him, just like you were doing the other day when he fell asleep on the family room floor.
i have tried talking to you about your behavior to no avail, and have tried to punish you on many occasions as well, but my efforts are all huge failures. you are just too smart for your own good. poking your finger in your mashed potatoes is not the response i like to get when i tell you "you haven't touched your food". especially when it is followed by the comment "yes i did. see, i touched my food!" Grrr! little smarty pants!
and yes you are as pretty as a princess, but we just don't have time for a full makeover every single day. a bath with your homemade scented soap is fine everyday, but glitter spray and body spray, and scented lotion, and deodorant, and glitter princess make up, and lip gloss, and hair do's with ribbons and clips is A LOT for a 4 year old, and just not possible EVERY SINGLE DAY. besides, you take those darn hair bows out anyway! and that frustrates me. why do you want them in if all you are going to do is take them out?
and i love your best friend adrianna too, but we can not buy adrianna one of everything that we buy you. i am so pleased to see you thinking of others though. that is more like the type of habits i had in mind.
it would appear that you and crayons don't seem to get along. i know that of all the mischievous things you do, trying to pull the wool over my eyes certainly wouldn't be one of them, so i know that those crayons really do have arms and legs and color all over the walls around your bed by themselves. but don't worry, i have set up surveillance of the perimeter to hopefully gain control of the situation.
i sometimes see that you do try to do the right thing, however i believe the little angel that you used to have sitting on your shoulder must have forgotten to pay rent and was evicted and you let a little devil take up residence instead.
here are just a few recommendations that i have to help you improve in some areas...
the prayers that you recite before you eat your meals would probably sound a little better if you weren't shouting "shut up, butthead!" half way through, like you did the other day.
i took the liberties of drawing you a small easy-to-fold and keep-in-your-pocket map of where all 6 laundry baskets are in the house. if you could please use one of them to deposit your clothes when you take them off, that would be great. probably the most convenient one would be the one in your room where you take your clothes off. i know that you have just turned 4, so that is why i haven't been a stickler about it until now, but when you started telling me to do it myself, i knew it was time to put my foot down.
lastly (for now that is), i know that we have a big tub, and being so tiny, it must seem like a lap pool to you, but we can not do cannon balls when we take a bath. it can be very dangerous, not just for you, but for others. i appreciate your help in giving me a the grand tour of the underside of my vanity table by leaving water on the floor for me to slip in though. i am sure it was just another one of your attempts at being the thoughtful person you are.
i love you dearly, and i know that with just a few changes in your every day behavior, you will see that your efforts bring great rewards, like being able to play with some of the toys you have locked away in your closet. i want you to know that mommy still loves you no matter what, and together we can get through this. please feel free to come to me if you have any questions or concerns, or even if you would just like to sing "in a house" to me, because i really like the way you sing that song! :)
love always,
mommy
