The Gratitude Challenge - Postponed Until Further Notice

This was supposed to be posted yesterday, however, I have been extremely stressed out lately and in a small way I feel like I want to give up on this challenge. I am honestly trying to feel grateful, and for the most part, I am extremely grateful for what I have been given in life, but I am still in this slump that I just cannot seem to get out of. One minute I think it is "the blues" from having Elijah, but then another minute I think it is perhaps the stress of Jason not having a job and worrying constantly about every little thing. It could even be a combination of both. I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had the money to go on a shopping spree at Target, I would just simply like to be back in the comforts of being able to pay our bills each month.

I also feel saddened when my daughter Mackenzie comes to me wanting to go to Jellybeans (a local skating rink that all of her friends are now starting to go to now that they are a little older) and I have to tell her that I can't even afford the $10 it costs to go. It is very heartbreaking to think that my child is missing out. I know how it can be, and if you don't hang out with the rest of the crowd, you suddenly have nothing in common with them anymore and then slowly they really aren't your friends anymore. It truly brings me to tears that there is nothing I can do. Just small moments like that and not being able to give to my kids. They don't fully understand what it means to be an adult and have to pay bills to live.

So why do I share all of this? Because although I am more than grateful for my health, my home, my children, and that I at least have a job, in a way I feel like I am being two faced each day continuing to write about how grateful I am when in the back of my head I am having a hard time being "grateful" for this stressful time and lack of money. I just can't bring myself to find a positive about being so broke.

In some small ways this challenge has opened my eyes to a few things like I have mentioned in previous posts. All of those posts were genuine in feelings but I believe that for now I am going to postpone the rest of the challenge until further notice. Some may say that continuing the challenge may actually help, and that might be right, however, to be honest, I just don't feel like finishing it right now. I am sure this comes as a disappointment, I am not usually one to give up, but this is unfortunately one of those rare occasions. Hopefully, I have not been too big of a disappointment to those who enjoyed reading about this journey for me.